can somebody please just fuckin kill me.
I CANT STAND the thought that somehow, you dont want this anymore?!
I cant live my everyday life without being reminded that I have NOTHING and NO DREAMS. And trying to figure out new dreams is a lot fuckin harder than people think.
I'm so glad that you're having fun, living the life that you think you can't live while having to commit to anything or anyone else.
I used to live for something. I used to have meaning, and purpose. And now, I'm just pathetic.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
i've suddenly gotten this painful urge to start a new band, and sing in it.
cause i really cant keep waiting around for my band to get back together. i've got to do something with myself in the meantime, to keep myself from going crazy.
nirvana meets bowie meets fleetwood mac meets blondie meets pj harvey meets hardcore meets jazz meets kings of leon meets scarlett johansson
haaa yeah. how do i NOT know any musicians that would want to do this that are not already in bands?! the fuck is that?!
cause i really cant keep waiting around for my band to get back together. i've got to do something with myself in the meantime, to keep myself from going crazy.
nirvana meets bowie meets fleetwood mac meets blondie meets pj harvey meets hardcore meets jazz meets kings of leon meets scarlett johansson
haaa yeah. how do i NOT know any musicians that would want to do this that are not already in bands?! the fuck is that?!
went to a battle of the bands last night at adelphi.. a friend of mine put the show together
it was fun, i only liked one of the bands from the whole night. but thats mostly because i cant stand whiney annoying bands who's front men think they're the shit.
the winners of the battle get to open for snoop dogg. thats right. d-o-double g.
can you just imagine if the lillapucians played last night, and won, and got to open for snoop dogg? how hysterical would that be?
sigh. but we're not actually a band anymore. so this is the problem.
going to see we fall as heroes tonight at the crazy donkey.. we're coming through.. you know it.
anddd then we play dozopalooza on the 30th of april. i'm very much looking forward to it.
i hope that Ryan's show is all ages on saturday... we cannot miss the first ex urgency members show. even if we still would much rather like to see the urgency themselves. ohhhh well. everyone sucks. and we're allllll quitters.
what am i saying? don't pay attention. i'm just aggravated today. and i cannot get rid of this headache.
it was fun, i only liked one of the bands from the whole night. but thats mostly because i cant stand whiney annoying bands who's front men think they're the shit.
the winners of the battle get to open for snoop dogg. thats right. d-o-double g.
can you just imagine if the lillapucians played last night, and won, and got to open for snoop dogg? how hysterical would that be?
sigh. but we're not actually a band anymore. so this is the problem.
going to see we fall as heroes tonight at the crazy donkey.. we're coming through.. you know it.
anddd then we play dozopalooza on the 30th of april. i'm very much looking forward to it.
i hope that Ryan's show is all ages on saturday... we cannot miss the first ex urgency members show. even if we still would much rather like to see the urgency themselves. ohhhh well. everyone sucks. and we're allllll quitters.
what am i saying? don't pay attention. i'm just aggravated today. and i cannot get rid of this headache.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
letter to a song about new orleans
i've kind of been blah lately. everything either makes me sad or angry, and the things that should make me happy for some reason don't anymore.
you broke my heart, like it's never been broken before.
i've lost plenty of friends in the past, for reasons that i never understood.
i always just felt like i wasn't good enough for them. so they were done with me.
never in a million years did i think i'd ever have to protect myself from little old you. you, whom i've known for most of my young life. who grew up in the same building that my grandparents lived in. who i used to have such incredible fun with.
i always told you that no matter where our lives took us, that the day i got married, you'd be right up there with me, as my maid of honor. despite the distances that constantly grew over the last year i always felt that way. never did i think i had any reason to NOT feel that way.
one year for my birthday, you gave me a beautiful picture frame. you put a picture of us with another now distant friend in it. the frame had the word Friends engraved in the bottom corner.
today, i put that picture away. i was thinking of replacing only the picture, but decided that i didn't even want to use the frame anymore. it would have been a constant painful reminder of the beautiful person that i just lost as a soulmate. we always called each other that, remember? and how foolish of me to believe it.
people do change. time changes everything. we may all be in a very different place than we were two years ago, but i never thought that would truly separate you and i. you have no problem keeping in touch with other people that are in our social group. but me, you don't want to make the effort. you say its a constant roller coaster. you say things always go splat and you are worried that they will continue that way. well guess what? when you believe something enough, it happens. and our friendship just went splat because of you. because you were afraid that it would. you haven't truly opened up to me in a long time. you don't ever tell me how you're feeling. and lately its especially been about us. you're the one that caused the roller coaster. and you're the one that caused the splat.
it's breaking my heart, it really is. everytime i think about it i want to cry.
but i won't. because like i told you, despite what he thought years ago, he couldn't change me either.
so i hope you have a wonderful time with your "best friends". i hope you find a nice boy that treats you right and provides for you. i hope that you are happy. because although the "promise" that not only you and i, but that we all made to each other, was obviously a lie, you will always be a part of me. my soul, my heart, my laughter, my tears, you will be there for it all. i will always think of you fondly, and laugh about the times past. when i sing, know that i'll think of you. i love you. and i'll miss you always.
goodbye
you broke my heart, like it's never been broken before.
i've lost plenty of friends in the past, for reasons that i never understood.
i always just felt like i wasn't good enough for them. so they were done with me.
never in a million years did i think i'd ever have to protect myself from little old you. you, whom i've known for most of my young life. who grew up in the same building that my grandparents lived in. who i used to have such incredible fun with.
i always told you that no matter where our lives took us, that the day i got married, you'd be right up there with me, as my maid of honor. despite the distances that constantly grew over the last year i always felt that way. never did i think i had any reason to NOT feel that way.
one year for my birthday, you gave me a beautiful picture frame. you put a picture of us with another now distant friend in it. the frame had the word Friends engraved in the bottom corner.
today, i put that picture away. i was thinking of replacing only the picture, but decided that i didn't even want to use the frame anymore. it would have been a constant painful reminder of the beautiful person that i just lost as a soulmate. we always called each other that, remember? and how foolish of me to believe it.
people do change. time changes everything. we may all be in a very different place than we were two years ago, but i never thought that would truly separate you and i. you have no problem keeping in touch with other people that are in our social group. but me, you don't want to make the effort. you say its a constant roller coaster. you say things always go splat and you are worried that they will continue that way. well guess what? when you believe something enough, it happens. and our friendship just went splat because of you. because you were afraid that it would. you haven't truly opened up to me in a long time. you don't ever tell me how you're feeling. and lately its especially been about us. you're the one that caused the roller coaster. and you're the one that caused the splat.
it's breaking my heart, it really is. everytime i think about it i want to cry.
but i won't. because like i told you, despite what he thought years ago, he couldn't change me either.
so i hope you have a wonderful time with your "best friends". i hope you find a nice boy that treats you right and provides for you. i hope that you are happy. because although the "promise" that not only you and i, but that we all made to each other, was obviously a lie, you will always be a part of me. my soul, my heart, my laughter, my tears, you will be there for it all. i will always think of you fondly, and laugh about the times past. when i sing, know that i'll think of you. i love you. and i'll miss you always.
goodbye
Listening to: Swimmer One - The Balance Company
I need to start sleeping more. That bitter pain in my head is getting to be too much.
English class, killing time, work until sunset.
I wish they would keep me better informed at work as to what was happening with my job.
Am I losing it or not? Is there enough space for me to stay and enough work?
I'm hoping so because I don't feel like starting somewhere new.
I'm not good with change.
I need to start sleeping more. That bitter pain in my head is getting to be too much.
English class, killing time, work until sunset.
I wish they would keep me better informed at work as to what was happening with my job.
Am I losing it or not? Is there enough space for me to stay and enough work?
I'm hoping so because I don't feel like starting somewhere new.
I'm not good with change.
Monday, March 22, 2010
those promises were lies
you're giving up without a fight
and I am left here to say you're right
abandoned here in the dark
all the wrongs left these marks
to fight the shadows on these walls
not enough heart to fight them all
it feels a lot like giving up
cause some aren't meant to change
not enough hope to fill the cup
when only one's strength remains
sleep now or they'll come for me
and chain me to the corners of my mind
my greatest fears
this one wish in the smallest shining star
that burned out long ago, that remains in dreams
but i am always awake
and I am left here to say you're right
abandoned here in the dark
all the wrongs left these marks
to fight the shadows on these walls
not enough heart to fight them all
it feels a lot like giving up
cause some aren't meant to change
not enough hope to fill the cup
when only one's strength remains
sleep now or they'll come for me
and chain me to the corners of my mind
my greatest fears
this one wish in the smallest shining star
that burned out long ago, that remains in dreams
but i am always awake
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
