letter to a song about new orleans

i've kind of been blah lately. everything either makes me sad or angry, and the things that should make me happy for some reason don't anymore.

you broke my heart, like it's never been broken before.
i've lost plenty of friends in the past, for reasons that i never understood.
i always just felt like i wasn't good enough for them. so they were done with me.

never in a million years did i think i'd ever have to protect myself from little old you. you, whom i've known for most of my young life. who grew up in the same building that my grandparents lived in. who i used to have such incredible fun with.

i always told you that no matter where our lives took us, that the day i got married, you'd be right up there with me, as my maid of honor. despite the distances that constantly grew over the last year i always felt that way. never did i think i had any reason to NOT feel that way.

one year for my birthday, you gave me a beautiful picture frame. you put a picture of us with another now distant friend in it. the frame had the word Friends engraved in the bottom corner.

today, i put that picture away. i was thinking of replacing only the picture, but decided that i didn't even want to use the frame anymore. it would have been a constant painful reminder of the beautiful person that i just lost as a soulmate. we always called each other that, remember? and how foolish of me to believe it.

people do change. time changes everything. we may all be in a very different place than we were two years ago, but i never thought that would truly separate you and i. you have no problem keeping in touch with other people that are in our social group. but me, you don't want to make the effort. you say its a constant roller coaster. you say things always go splat and you are worried that they will continue that way. well guess what? when you believe something enough, it happens. and our friendship just went splat because of you. because you were afraid that it would. you haven't truly opened up to me in a long time. you don't ever tell me how you're feeling. and lately its especially been about us. you're the one that caused the roller coaster. and you're the one that caused the splat.

it's breaking my heart, it really is. everytime i think about it i want to cry.
but i won't. because like i told you, despite what he thought years ago, he couldn't change me either.

so i hope you have a wonderful time with your "best friends". i hope you find a nice boy that treats you right and provides for you. i hope that you are happy. because although the "promise" that not only you and i, but that we all made to each other, was obviously a lie, you will always be a part of me. my soul, my heart, my laughter, my tears, you will be there for it all. i will always think of you fondly, and laugh about the times past. when i sing, know that i'll think of you. i love you. and i'll miss you always.


goodbye