i'd like to think that i'm here for something, yknow? something that fucking means more than a routine, 9-5 kind of life.

most days i wish i could just snap my fingers and fix all that is wrong.

then i think maybe i'm being too selfish.

but is it really selfish to just want to be happy?

i've been trying to write again. i think what was stopping me was my lack of confidence without the rest of the lillapucians. and as exciting as it is that we're playing dozopalooza, i know that it's for nothing. because i know after that, it will just be over. and i'm pretty sure nobody will be re-inspired to want to be in this band.

reading another bands (ex bands) post about why they had to stop playing music together really hit close to home.

i mean we all live in the same state, and its not hard to stay connected.

but just the fact that i can feel where they're coming from, cause i was just there.

i am still there. its hard to give up your baby.

the lillapucians have been my baby since i was 14. i'm almost 20 now and i have to start over and find a new dream? a new love?

at this moment, i can't really say that i want to.

cause i want my baby back. even if it takes notebook style waiting..(7 years, "IT STILL ISNT OVER" sex scene).

oh yes. the lillapucians will have a reunion sex scene.

except some of you who personally know us, might be frightened that we might actually. LOL.

bearfact: NO MORE RULES!

nobody's going to get that. oh well.

i just got insanely distracted.

maybe i'll continue this one later.